I have made my return to the island and I only have positive things to say about this transition. I have a great new living situation, a strong community, and an ever-growing bucket list of island adventures to attend to. I have set two weekly goals for myself. One goal is to take post-work trip to an attraction nearby. Goal two is to spend the night elsewhere or camp out once a week away from home. So far I have been meeting my goals! My most recent trip was to my favorite camping spot on Island, Lone Palm. I have spent many of nights at Lone Palm. Lone Palm was also the inspiration to one of my first ukulele songs! This time around, there was an alert out for high winds, but we didn't get notice of that until after our trip. My housemates and I took a day to go to Kona. It's about an hour and a half drive with sweeping views of the western Hawaiian coastline. This was my first time being the driver on the road from Naalehu to Kona since my car accident. Luckily, the weather was lovely and I felt at ease as I drove the windy roads. Before we headed to the beach, we spent the day picking up household goodies, walking along Ali'i drive and loading up our Costco shopping cart. Kona provides a change of pace compared to the more rural and small town feel of the Ka'u district of Hawaii. I could only handle so much before I became eager to get to the beach- body craving nature and relaxation. The drive from Kona to Lone Palm is another thirty minutes. The wind started to pick up. I could feel my car being pushed and pulled by the wind-talk about anxiety producing! I felt a wave of relief as I parked my car on the lava lot near the Lone Palm trailhead. My plan was to stay the night at lone palm, set up my hammock in the trees and swing in the breeze. My housemates hiked in to enjoy the waves and sunshine. The wind continued to pick up as the evening went on. A beach that usually offered nice rolling waves had a continuous flow of choppy waves beating the shoreline. We didn't dare to venture past the break because the current was so strong and unpredictable. We journeyed around the bend in the bay. On the other side of the bend lay a few more campsites and a layer of lava rock that separate the sandy beach and the ocean waves. The lava rock fills will tide pools and swimming holes. We watched the sunset over the horizon in awe. As the sun left my sight, so did my housemates. They opted to head home for the night. It has been awhile since I solo camped, but I felt at ease in this particular spot. I cozied up in my hammock and brought out my ukulele. There was a synchronicity between my voice and wind, my voice matched the rhythm as it whirled and bellowed in the trees. I was physically and emotionally moved by the strong presence of the wind. As the darkness started to greet me, I became aware of the risk of sleeping under the actively blowing trees above my head. I decided to move my hammock to another spot where the trees seemed to be a bit more secure. My eyes grew heavy and I began to drift to sleep. When I camp alone, it takes me a little while to fall into a deep sleep. On this night in particular, I teetered between a hyper-awareness of the wind, dreamy rocking, and mesmerized by the night sky. There were a few times that I could not get comfortable in my hammock, the wind was flapping the wings too much. I left my hammock and walked over to a soft spot in the sand to cuddle up. As soon as I layed in the sand, I was carried away into a deep sleep. I bounced between my hammock and the sandy spot a few times in the night until the sun beams began to shine. I did some yoga and deep stretching to greet the day then packed up my belongings for the hike out.
There is something special about spending a night out alone. Swept away in serenity yet startled to greet the night with no human near. In that silence you can choose to allow the voices of the world to whisper in your ears...they may just remind you you are really never alone.
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Part 3.1 ArrivingThe decision was made, I would be traveling to Nepal for a month. I had the Annapurnas on my mind, a happy heart looking forward to time with friends, and a body full of energy looking to make up for the summer of inactivity. I bought sturdy trekking poles to keep my balance and assist my leg in trekking, as well as a 45L Osprey pack to keep my load light. My friends and I were well versed in backcountry travel in the states. The Annapurna Circuit offered us a unique trekking experience. Instead of tents, we stayed in tea houses/guest houses. Villages appear all throughout the trek, going at most three hours without walking through one. Instead of packing all of our food, we ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the tea houses along the trail. Hiking the Annapurna Circuit is estimated to take 12-18 days. We had a loose itinerary. Communication was crucial for us as a group of six. Luckily, mealtimes offered us the perfect time to hash out the potential for the day. We had done our research and had our guidebooks for reference, but nothing came close to the experience on the ground. Traveling from the states to Nepal was a feat in itself. Five of us were able to get the same flight out of SFO. It took 33 hours of travel (19 hours in the air and 14 hours of layover) until we arrived in Kathmandu, Nepal. We arrived around 10:30 pm and luckily we arranged a shuttle to pick us up from the airport and take us to our hotel, Ganesh Himal. Our trip was sandwiched between two of Nepal’s largest festivals (Dashain and Tihar). October is also the best trekking season because of the good weather. Therefore, the airport was packed with people, only a glimpse of the crowds we would experience while in Kathmandu. Our hotel was bliss. It was tucked away from the busy streets and had a relaxing garden space. My jet lagged body was very grateful for that welcoming atmosphere. As a group, we decided to stay in Kathmandu for only two nights, using the one full day to get our permits and a ride to Besi Sahar arranged. We arranged a private car to take us to Besi Sahar. With the festival in full swing, we were advised against taking public transport (aka tourist bus) because they would be full. If there was any way to begin to conquer my fear of being in a vehicle post-accident, it was getting into that private car. There is no traffic laws on the road. There is a constant stream of horns, but not your typical horns –imagine horn meets ice cream truck playlist. Our ride from Kathmandu to Besi Sahar was 6 hours of bumpy, twisty, turny, bumper to bumper, cliff side chaos. We arrived in one piece. We found space at one of the tea houses and settled into a large room with 5 small beds. Part 3.2 Annapurna Circuit The next day marked our first day on the Annapurna Circuit. There was an option to take a jeep along the road to bypass the first day or two of hiking, but we said HECK NO. We were all so ready to stretch our legs. The morning before we started to hike a few of us awoke early and saw the first glimpses of the Himalayas in the distance. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning! The snow-capped mountains of the Himalayas were just a few trekking days away. My leg was feeling pretty good. I had a slight limp because of all the walking through the Kathmandu and time spent crammed in uncomfortable seats. I decided I would power through for 6-7 days on the trail, but likely cut my trip short in Manang. I wrote in my journal, “It will be a celebration for me if I can make it to Manang!” Our first day really set the stage for the remainder of the trip. We were started at elevation (830m). The trail followed along the Marsyangdi Khola river which gave life to the lush green landscape all around us. We hiked past the guide book recommendation for the first night’s stay, fueled by the excitement of being on trail. We took an alternative trail to Upper Ngadi. As we walked through this village, I felt the sensation of peace and hospitality surround me. The path led us to cross a suspension bridge, hovering over the roaring river below us. We stopped to decide how much farther we would walk for the day and when a townsperson told us the next village was 1:30 hours away, uphill, we called it a day. But the day was not nearly over! I jumped in the shower right away to cleanse the humid inducing muck away. As soon as I got out, everyone was getting their things together to follow some of the local children to a swimming spot in the river! They guided us down the cliff side, hacking our way through brush. With a few scrapes and falls, we made it to the swimming spot! The fun was just beginning. We played around for a while there then made it back to our tea house. I sat down with my ukulele and began to write a song with Ande. A few minutes later, a swarm of children come running into the yard! Along side them marched Ian, Wade, Nico, and Sean (the men of our group). The guys seemed to have rallied them up for a giant play fest. It was pretty hilarious watching the kids jump all over the guys, connecting by the universal language of play and laughter. The kids scurried back to their families when the sun began to set. My friends and I ended the night together as we would for the next 17 days, huddled around a dining table munching on a combination of momos, noodles, pizzas, yak, and dal bhat. We cheered one another with our first glasses of local alcohol and settled in with high hopes for the rest of the trek. The following two weeks were packed with waterfalls, towering mountains, welcoming tea houses, stairs, roads, mealtimes, rest, awe, exhaustion, and learning. And guess what?! I made it past my anticipated bail point, Manang, and was able to complete the circuit with my friends!! Our itinerary turned out to look like this: Day 1: Trek from Besi Sahar to Bhulbue for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast Upper in Ngadi (900m) Day 2: Trek from Upper Ngadi to Ghermu for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Jagat (1330m) Day 3: Trek from Jagat to Tal for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Karte(1850m) Day 4: Trek from Karte to Timang for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Koto (260m) Day 5: Trek from Koto to Bhratang for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Upper Pisang (3310) Day 6: Trek from Upper Pisang to Ngawal (3660m) for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Mungji (3500m) Day 7: Half day trek from Mungji to Manang (3540m) rest/shop/movies Day 8: Rest and acclimate in Manang. Day hike to Chongkor View Point overlooking Gangapurna Lake Day 9: Trek from Manang to Yak Kharka (4020m) Day 10: Trek from Yak Kharka to Letdar for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Thorung Phedi (4540m) Day 11: Trek from Thorung Phedi to Summit Thorung La (5416 m), descend to Chabaru (4190m) for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast Muktinath/Ranipauwa (3800/3710m) Day 12: Rest day in Muktinath/Ranipauwa. Shopping, Restaurant Bob Marley, visit monasteries and temples. Day 13: Trek from Ranipauwa to Kagbeni for lunch (YacDonalds!), dinner/sleep/breakfast in Jomsom (2760m) Day 14: Half day trek from Jomsom to Marpha(2680m) shop, eat/drink lots of apple products, rest Day 15: Trek from Marpha to random mystery village for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Kokhethati Day 16: Trek from Kokhethati to Kalapani for lunch, dinner/sleep/breakfast in Ghasa (2000m) Day 17: Trek from Ghasa to Tatopani(1190m), dinner/hot springs/sleep/breakfast Day 18: Full day in Tatopani, rest/shop/figure out bus back to Pokhara Day 19: Bus from Tatopani to Beni, Bus from Beni to Pokhara I am flooded with memories as I recall each of day on the trek. It was one of the more difficult and rewarding experiences I have done to date, a true test of grit and stamina. The diversity of the towns from Besi Sahar to Tatopani was astonishing. The trail on days 1-3 led us through humid-jungle like environment. Everywhere we’d looked we’d see banana trees, taro, rice fields, gardens, waterfalls. As we climbed in elevation the landscape changed dramatically. I fell ill the night of day 3, creating a tough few day to follow for me. Luckily, Days 4-7 greeted us with a dry and cool breeze that made hiking easier. The trail climbed more steadily compared to the first few days. At this point, when we would look around we were surrounded by epic rock exposure, waterfalls, pines, and views of the Annapurnas. Day 8 on the trail offered my favorite landscape. We hiked a steep hillside that led us to the best view of Annapurna II on the trek. We continued along the high route of the trail, giving us a birds eye view of the towns below and the distant mountains of the Manang district. Towards the afternoon we were hit with a heavy rainstorm, making the glacier carved cliff in the distance very ominous. As we neared the town of Mungji, one side of the trail was reminiscent of the Sierras and the opposite side like the deserts of Utah. Day 7-9 offered a cozy town to acclimatize in. Surrounding the town were lakes, rivers, high mountains, and fields for farming and grazing. I would sit on the rooftop at our tea house, jammin’ on the uke, staring off at the expansive sights. Day 9-11 was a dramatic climb and descent. The trail traversed the cliff sides, at first glance it may appear desolate but with a closer look, the hills were covered in colorful brush and wildlife sightings became more frequent as the human population decreased. To be on top of Thorung La was a literal headrush. Luckily none my friends nor I got altitude sickness. I was able to keep up with the group with the assistance of a porter to carry my 45L bag. When we reached the summit, we were still so low compared to the towering mountains around us. It was a celebration at the top, with a wall of prayer flags providing us the assurance that we had made it. The descent to Muktinath was barren and foggy. I was filled with relief as we began to see the towering temples and tea houses of the town. Muktinath is a highly sought out religious pilgrimage for both Hindu and Buddhist faiths. The town was the 3rd largest town we visited while in Nepal, second to Kathmandu and Pokhara. Our guide book was full of recommendations for sights to see and places to eat while in Muktinath/Ranipauwa so we decided to spend a rest day in the area. We ate at the popular Bob Marley’s hotel, which was definitely worth the wait. Sometimes when you order pizza or burrito in Nepal, you end up with something far from desirable, but Bob Marley restaurant met all our expectations! We walked to two of Buddhist nunneries. Unfortunately I was sick during this rest day, so I went back to the tea house to rest while my friends went to the Hindu temple of Muktinath. We continued on our trek, following the road for days 13-14. We dodged trucks, motocycles, dust, and wind. The stretch between Kagbeni (a must stop for the imfamous Yacdonalds! Best Yak burger ever!) to Jomsom was incredible. We trekked through a valley, following the silver streams and limestone cliffs. There was a strong wind current against us, but there was certainly something special about that valley. The town of Jomsom was crowded with other trekkers. Jomsom has an airport so it is a common place for trekkers to start or end their trek as well as for locals to fly in to start the pilgrimage to Muktinath. We found it difficult to find a tea house that wasn’t full or well priced, but luckily before dark we settled into a tea house. On day 14, we took an alternative trail to avoid walking along the dusty road. Although it was not always clear which direction to go, the scenery was gorgeous! We saw wild horses, a lake, and views of Annapurnas. Day 14 was only a half day so we arrived the town of Marpha early afternoon. I vote Marpha as my favorite town on the trek. It is surrounded by apple orchards and every shop you go into probably offers a local apple product. I bought apple cider, apple juice, apple leather, and apple pie! The streets were narrow, with tall buildings, a monastery sitting at the top of the town, and stone/brick layered streets. We had a nice time walking the streets and playing card games at the tea house. Day 15 was a clusterfck in my mind. I was so twisted around and consistently felt like we were not on the right path (we were). There was an unexpected amount of ups/downs that day, but it was also a gorgeous temperate forest setting that was comforting. On day 16, we had a mixture of road trekking and trail trekking. The climate shifted from the cool woods to the humid jungle. We passed large stretches of land with wild marijuana growing, giving us all a good laugh. Towards the end of the day, we began the steep descent to Ghasa. Descending on stairs is worse than ascending, especially with the wet and inconsistent stone staircases we were climbing. I knew Tatopani would be the end of my journey, avoiding the last two days of the circuit. One of my friends, Nico, decided to continue on but the other 4 agreed they are were ready for a change of pace in Pokhara. Part 3.3 PokharaWe decided to omit the last two days of the circuit, Poon Hill. My leg could only handle so much and it turned out that my friends held similar sentiments. One day, I will go back to experience the views of the Himalayas from Poon Hill, but I am thankful for the decision to head to Pokhara early. The town of Pokhara is bustling with opportunity. It is a lakeside town, known to be a popular tourist destination. It was a great change of pace from the go-go-go on the trek. The six of us stayed at the same hotel, but we were all free to move at our own pace and explore the aspects of the town that interested us as individuals. The streets were full of shops: coffee shops, bakeries, book shops, outdoor gear, clothing, Tibetan gifts, etc. The lakeside trail offered a serene escape from the busy streets. After a few days exploring the town of Pokhara, I signed up for a 3 day/4 night yoga & fasting program at the Sadhana Retreat Center. The retreat center was nestled high in the hills above Pokhara, offering beautiful views of the lake. Every afternoon paragliders were hovering above the lake, offering a picturesque memory. (Two of the paragliders may have been my friends Wade and Ian!) I fell into the routine of the retreat very nicely. It felt great to practice physical and mental discipline with the fasting component of the program. By the end of the retreat, my body felt stronger than ever before! I was amazed with how strong my injured leg felt, the trip was exactly the rehabilitation I needed. Part 3.4 Full CircleThe last leg of our trip led us back to Kathmandu. I was so overwhelmed with the city when we first arrived to Nepal, but upon return I felt more confident in my ability to navigate or just wander aimlessly without fear. We got to experience the city during the pinnacle of Tihar, a celebration of brother and sister. The city was decorated with colorful mandalas, marigold garlands, and lights. It was beautiful walking around the streets of Timal at night. Another highlight of Kathmandu was visiting the “Monkey temple.” Just imagine hundreds of monkeys running free, bouncing off of buildings and swinging on prayer flags. It was a hilarious sight to experience in the sacred temple. We also witnessed a unique merge of cultures while out and about one night. We walked into a live concert, rock music being blasted in the town square. The band was playing on top of a gompa with the monastery across the street. The contrast of the rock music with the Buddhist art was striking and sort of hilarious. Overall, traveling through Nepal was a phenomenal experience. I would love to return one day and spend an extended time in one of the more remote villages. The people of Nepal are gracious, curious, and welcoming. I returned to the United States feeling like I grew from the experience.Stronger in my physical body and mental body, tested yet rewarded. Namaste.PART 2.1 Journal Entry I am thankful for journals and photos to help refresh my memories of the months of recovery. The pain medication did a great job keeping my pain levels in check, but did not help sharpen my memory. I had everything I needed at home to foster a safe healing experience, but the emotional/physical/spiritual roller coaster of recovery was still one of the biggest challenges I have faced to this day. Here is a journal entry from June 7, 12 days after my accident. “It’s a strange feeling to have bits of myself stripped away from me in moments. My courage and positivity are challenged at every moment since my accident. I will be riding along fine when a road bump- can’t reach my walker, can’t grab the fruit on the top shelf, must wait for someone to be available so I can go pee- stands in front of me, asking me… how strong are you, really? At moments, I persevere and I find my breath. Other moments, my eyes fill with tears, my breath shortens, fist clench and I feel the pain of being stripped of what I have held dear to my heart: my independence, efficiency, and simplicity. Since the first night in the ER, I have asked myself to feel these waves of emotions and experience the sadness. I still resist allowing others to witness this shattering. Another curious, yet frustrating, reoccurrence is the fear that I am now living in. I never would classify myself as a woman who makes decision based off of fear, but now my ability to trust someone moving me or trust that the cars on the road see me or even trusting that people want to help me, have amplified. This shadow side of me that has been ignited is scary and I wonder what it has to teach. I am reminded of a verse in 1 John, ‘There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he[God] first loved us.’ This serves me as a reminder to not let fear dominate, but to let myself be embraced and healed through love. I have my moments of defeat, but in the grand scheme of my days, I am true to my beings as a passionate, peaceful, strong, ambitious, calm, and creative woman. I want to tap into my Pacific Quest intent statement during this time, ‘I am a self-compassionate healer floating on a river of trust and acceptance.’ What a great statement for me during my time of recovery. The truth in the words, if my heart believes, will offer solitude during my road bumps. So far, my days have involved watching movies, scrolling through social media, ukulele playing, and reading. I feel unbalanced in how much time I am in front of a screen rather than in conversation, in meditation, or singing. I will put more of an effort to balance this dissonance. Tomorrow I will have a few visitors. With that to look forward to, I will go to bed smiling." PART 2.2 One day at a time So I have this broken femur...what now? There was a lot of pain to manage. I am usually quite the wiggle worm, but for the forseeable future I had to wear a large contraption on my leg to keep my leg from tweaking in the wrong direction and I could only lie still on my back when it was time to sleep. I was faced with a challenge, but from the beginning, I did not want it to consume me. I had encouraging visits from friends and letters of assurance from the ones I loved. Just like in shift work, the days were long but the weeks were short. Lucky for my healing journey, working in a therapeutic environment and having a background in holistic health was tremendous help. I was able to develop a routine and add elements to improve my well-being as my leg grew stronger. Physical therapy was an amazing experience. It was uplifting to see my progress every week and have the encouragement of the therapists. Plus it was just nice to get out of the house!
The biggest blessing from this accident was definitely the quality time with my family. I have not spent an extended amount of time at home since high school, only visiting for holidays and maybe a month in the summer. During the months at home, I was able to go to my cousins wedding and witness a beautiful union of two souls. I took trips with my family to baseball games, weekly farmers market, birthday celebrations, concert in the park, coffee and biscotti dates with my nana, antique shopping, family dinners, and more! I got to meet my brother’s girlfriend, and her son, and develop a relationship with them. My older sister was three months pregnant with her first child when I came back to California. The ability to spend time with her and her husband during the pregnancy was one of the greatest gifts. They picked me up every Saturday so I could spend the night and go to church with them in the morning. I looked forward to every weekend for their presence, the conversation, and the communion. During the week, I spent most of my time alone. I picked up so many little hobbies and activities to keep my brain stimulated and spirit optimistic. My dad convinced me to take a real estate salesperson course and I downloaded a public health course online. I made a routine of learning every morning, followed by time in the summer sun, than an assortment of little hobbies until my mom came home from work. I read, A LOT. Probably about 20 books this summer, not including my real esate books. A mixture of suspense thrillers, spiritual/relgious text, and outdoorsy inspirational books. I finally started a batch of Kombucha and mastered the at home cold brew. I wrote a lot of new songs and put them out to the world via facebook despite my insecurities. I made cute jewels using some shells from Hawaii. I played with the family pup Leia, she is a bundle of joy and energy. Yup, lots of a good stuff to keep myself from going insane. Around early July, my doctor told me he anticipated I would be walking by August and my leg would likely be strong enough to propel me up the mountains of Nepal in October...say what?!! In early spring of 2016, five of my college friends and I bought plane tickets for a month long adventure in Nepal with the hope of hiking the Annapurna circuit. When my accident happened, I figured the chance of that trip happening was slim to none. My hope was restored with my doctor’s prognosis. I experienced a wave of determination that would help push me through the physical challenges that were to come. At times the healing felt exponential. Getting myself into a few healing yoga poses and taking less pain medication were huge victories. There were moments where I did not see such a positive end in sight. I would get paranoid that the knee and hip pain I was experiencing was a signal that something else was wrong with my body. I have a vivid memory of asking my mom to do an exercise with a band that I was working on and watching her do it with such ease brought me to tears and exasperation. Little by little, my strength did come back. By August, I ditched the wheelchair completely and relied solely on a cane for stability. August was a busy month for me. I started the month with a huge celebration because I accepted a new position with my employer in Hawaii. I applied for the position on a whim. The position was exactly what I had foreseen myself doing if my accident hadn’t happened, but it did happen so I had to deal with that. In the interview, I made it clear that I wouldn’t be able to return to Hawaii until January. Somehow the stars aligned and I was offered the position! Knowing I would be back at work with Pacific Quest relieved some stress for me. I had been questioning my professional future and aspirations since the accident, so it was affirming to be set back on the path with a company I truly felt connected to. I continued the month soaking up opportunities as they came. At the beginning of August, I took a trip up to the mountains for Camp Jack Hazards Alumni weekend. I spent the summers of 2011, 2012, and 2013 at CJH and short visits in 2014 and 2015. I fell in love with the wilderness because of CJH. It was great to spend a weekend with other alumni and to see the positive direction the camp is headed. In mid-August, my parents and I went on a tour of Alcatraz in San Francisco. I walked a womping 3.5 miles that day, the most I had walked since my accident. I was exhausted. We had a great time exploring the island and walking along the pier. After the long day, I started to have some doubts about whether or not I would be able to commit to Nepal. It was so hard for me to conceptualize walking normal in just a month in half. At the end of the month, I took a trip to San Luis Obispo. I was still relying heavily on my cane. My hip was hurting quite a bit, so I started a pain medication after not having to take one for a couple weeks. I crashed on the couch at my old home in SLO, the infamous Summit. It was a great to reconnect with my college friends and just be social after not having much friend time in the months prior. I walked, a lot, but it wasn’t miserable because I had my friends by my side. I was anticipating going back home via Amtrak but a spontaneous opportunity came up to meet my friend in the central valley and drive with him to his family cabin in Manache. My usual spontaneous spirit would be all over this opportunity. I journaled my challenge: “There was a longing to return to a routine at home, but I reminded myself how important it was for me to rekindle that spontaneity…I am so glad I did!” I had an awesome weekend with him and his family. While I still wasn’t strong enough to hike around the surrounding mountains, I was able to get on a dirt bike and roam the valley. The combination of community and mountain medicine was uplifting. The month of September was mostly spent analyzing if I was strong enough to commit to Nepal. When I wasn’t in my head speculating about travel plans and my physical capabilities, I got to continue to enjoy time spent with my family. My sister was 7 months pregnant and beginning to fill out quite a bit! With the baby getting bigger, her body started to feel more aches and pains. Kristin loves my massages, so she got to be my first prenatal massage, it was a win-win! On September 17th, we celebrated her baby with a big baby shower at my parent’s home. The decorations looked straight out of Pinterest or a fancy design magazine. We had over 50 woman celebrating with us, from all walks of life. As days in September were growing slim, I started to have a growing apprehension about my decision to go to Nepal. My trip was planned for October 2nd - November 2nd. My sisters due date was November 3rd. While it was a plan from the start for me to go on this trip and return in time for the birth, a not so good scenario started to play in my head: I was in Nepal, alone, because I didn’t have the strength to keep up with my friends on the trail, I get word from my sister that she was in labor early and there I was on the opposite side of the world, not able to comfort her and support her as she experienced one of the most powerful moments of her life. Oh the torture the mind can ensue! I made the hard decision to stay committed to my trip to Nepal. I had no idea what was going to greet me as I travelled, but when I shut my head up and listened to my intuition, I knew going was the right choice. It boggles my mind that a whole year has passed since I have written about my adventures, misadventures, musings, and escapades. I have jotted and journaled throughout the year, but I lost my commitment to blog about my experiences. In an effort to make up for the time lost and pay tribute to the unique adventures of 2016, I am compiling a SUPER BLOG POST! I have sections and everything. PART 1.1: Big Move to the Big IslandA series of amazing events led to my move to the Big Island of Hawaii. When I was first accepted to work for Pacific Quest Wilderness Therapy, I was ecstatic. Never had accepting a job felt so right. The work aligned with my values and the shift work allowed me flexibility for big adventures. I left California with bright and hopeful eyes. The first month on the Island was a whirlwind. Out of the 31 days of December, I was only at work for 9 days. I arrived On November 29th, hoping to ease my way onto the Island. I arrived in Kona with what I quickly realized was way too much luggage. My goal was to take public transport from Kona to Pahoa. Public transportation in Hawaii is a little whack, so I ended up wandering the streets of Kona with an absurdly large suitcase and a trekking backpack. My confused little soul kept looking online to make sense of where the bus stop was. I walked for a mile up the hilly streets until a woman, quite possibly an angel in disguise, asked if I needed a lift. She helped me find the right bus stop. (She dropped me off at the wrong spot then I ran her car down and asked if she could drive me to the right spot. I was a little bit humiliated but she was all kindness and joy!) The bus ride was long, and every sight was new to me. It was my first exposure to the unique landscapes of the big island. It took hours to finally reach my destination in Pahoa. I was meeting a man who was going to bring me to the van I would be renting for the month. It was late and rainy as I stood outside the Malama Market. I sat there hoping the rental van man wasn’t going to turn out to be a sketchy. It wasn’t. He greeted me with a smile and the warm island energy. He drove me to the van which was parked in the permaculture community he lived/worked at in Pahoa. The van was decked out with a queen size bed, a cooking stove, and storage. I fell asleep that night to the sounds of jungle rain and koke frogs. With the van came opportunity. I had 9 days to travel around the island before I started my training. Honestly, it was quite lonely and uncomfortable for those nine days. Lucky for me, I have a running group text with my family members. Sharing new sights and experiences with them throughout the day helped the transition. I spent every night in a new camp site around the island. I was continually blown away by the ever changing landscape. I was so pumped when my training started for PQ. We woke everyday just before 5 and went to bed around 10 or 11. The long days were reflective of what to expect as field guides. Cutting down a banana rack was definitely my favorite moment of training,( it turns out I have that in common with most students I have worked with in the program.) Also, waking up before sunrise every day, with the shining night sky above my head is a memory I cherish. After training was over, I had a large gap of time before I started my first shift. I connected with one of the ladies in my cohort who didn’t have a plan, other than to begin to experience the island. I invited her along with me to experience the van life and we were off! It was awesome to have a travel companion. We bounced all around the island, watching sunrises in the east then sunsets in the west. We hiked in Volcano NP, made an abnormal amount of stops to eat/restock at Island Naturals, stayed salty with frequent swims in the ocean, chased our daily medicine of fresh air and rainbows, danced under the stars at cosmic camp outs in Pahoa, shopped at the thrift store for PQ prom night, and chilled out with wifi in random coffee shops. Jess, if you are reading this, you are the best! Talk about a great start to a friendship. I was feeling a lot more grounded and welcomed during the second half of December. The new friendships and adventures were fueling me. It wasn’t all happiness and rainbows though. My heart hurt a bit on Christmas. It was my first time missing out on our family’s traditions. I was greeted with a heartwarming video on Christmas Eve of my family singing my song to me. (My nana wrote songs for all of her grandchildren when they turned 2 and it is common for all the songs to be sang together at our Christmas Eve gathering). I remember watching the video and feeling so loved and supported by my family. The following day was Christmas, I spent it parked outside of Starbucks, piggybacking on the wifi, and facetiming with my family. It was definitely a Christmas to remember. December was full of firsts. I was setting the foundation for my time on island. The stoke was high as I prepared to start my shifts. 8 days of intense therapeutic intervention with adolescents, followed by 6 days of whatever! PART 1.2: Living and loving my new homeWorking shift work is kind of bizzare, but I loved it. Our saying goes, the days are long but the weeks are short. I absorbed a lot during my time at work. I fell in love with working on the land. It helped to be surrounded by compassionate and inspiring co-workers. Wilderness therapy is emotionally and physically intense. The students, typically, do not have a love for nature yet are outside 2/3 of the day. They are struggling with developing healthy coping skills. They are adapting to foreign environment while working on whatever circumstances led them to be admitted to a therapeutic program. Yea, just intense. My stamina and self-care was constantly being tested and reevaluated. As the students grew and learned, I was able to grow and learn right alongside them. When I was not on shift, I was celebrating life with my new friends all around the island. On my first off shift, I island hopped to Kauai to spend time with my vacationing family. After a shift or two camping and couch hopping, I moved into a home in Pahoa with my friends Jess and Andrea, we bought cars, and it all started to feel a little more like home. I made a bucket list of trips to take during off shifts. I got to backpack Halape and Waimanu Valley. We often camped at a a beautiful beach called Lone Palm. I learned the ukulele and started to overcome my insecurities with singing. I drove to the top of Mauna Kea for sunset and looked at constellation and planets through huge telescopes. We frequented Kava bars. I really should have been documenting all these trips as they came because my brief mention of them does not do them justice. To speak simply, it was magical. Just like that, 6 months had gone by. We were gearing up to start the busy summer season at work. It is common in shift work to take a whole shift off so I decided to take a shift off right before summer hit. I had a hectic week at work so I was relieved to start my vacation. The plan was set in motion, I was to drive my car to the airport with the company of two of my friends, Jess and Christian. My roommate would take my car back to our Pahoa home while I flew to California to start my vacation. It was Memorial day weekend and I was meeting my friends for an annual rafting trip reunion on the Kings river. After I went rafting with my friends, I was going to spend time with my family then go to my cousins wedding. I would return to work on island refreshed and ready for summer! At least, that’s what I was hoping would happen PART 1.3: The Accident After we got off work, I drove north from Naalehu to Kona on the Mamalahoa hwy. The route scales the mountain side, lots of twists and turns.. but nothing unfamiliar to me. The drive is about one and a half hours, so we coasted along, chatting about our week and listenting to the sweet sounds of Rising Appalachia. For awhile, my wipers were on high. The rain was coming down. Eventually it lightened up to a light sprinkle. We were about 30 minutes away from Kona when the accident happened. It was so sudden. In one moment I was feeling light and giddy then the next terror. I was approaching a turn in the highway so I put my foot on the brake to lose some speed before turning. In that moment, my car jerked to the right towards to mountain side. The feel of hydroplaning is awkward as a driver, having complete control of your vehicle then none at all. I turned my wheel to try to stay on the road, but this correction led the car into oncoming traffic. I screamed as the car jolted to the left, hitting the truck driving full speed in the opposite direction.
In that moment I realized I had no control over what was to come. My mind drifted into this serene space that may only be experienced with complete surrender. I have no reliable source of time in the moments after. I just recall waking up, mumbling to my friends not to move until they knew they weren’t hurt. I heard screaming from outside, threats and anger from the passengers in the other vehicle. My friends were able to get out of the car. I sat with the realization that something was wrong with my legs. There was no pain, not yet. I felt disconnected from my lower limbs. Someone came running to my window and told me an ambulance was on its way. I told him something was wrong with my legs and my friends may have hit their heads. I think he said he was a paramedic so he went to check on my friends. I felt around my right leg, searching for blood or any obvious signs of distress. No blood, but dang something was not right. I assumed there must be break or dislocation. I called my parents and left a voicemail, “I’ve just been in a car accident. I think I broke my leg..” I sat in my car, trying not to cry as I began to realize my vacation plans were going to be a bit disturbed. Jess held my hand as we waited for the ambulance to arrive. The ambulance arrived and I told them I could not move myself out of the vehicle. They told me to take my keys out of the ignition and turn off the car, something that didn’t even cross my mind. Instantly, the fear of being blown up in my vehicle swarmed my mind. They key wouldn’t come out, leaving an annoying high pitched signal as the background sound. The paramedics were making a plan to remove me from the vehicle and put me on a stretcher. I tried to release my chair back a little, but as soon as I moved an inch back I felt the pain jolt in my upper right leg. Ah crap, I broke my femur, I just know it...try not to panic! The paramedics found their positions and moved me swiftly from a sitting position to lying on the stretcher. I never knew what it felt like to really scream. I screamed in fear just moments before as my car began to hydroplane, but this scream, as they moved my body from my car, was nothing I had ever experienced. There was no holding back the feeling of pain in my voice. They carried me into the ambulance, rain drops dripping on my face and my body shivering from the exposure, and leg limp and broken. They knew right away it was a broken femur.They placed a traction splint on it. As soon as they pulled traction, I felt a wave of relief. They began asking questions, taking vitals, warming me up. I was able to text my parents. In my delusion I told them I was on my way to the airport. (I meant to write hospital) I got to the ER and was surrounded by health care professionals, some were taking of my clothes, some hooking me up to IV, some checking my traction splint. I remember saying something that made them all laugh and them commenting on my humor remaining intact through the accident. I was given lots of pain medication. I had my phone on me so I was able to talk to my parents on the phone and fill them in on my actual whereabouts. I got a text from my friend who was going to be picking me up in California, I sent him a picture of me at the hospital and told him there was a change of plans. He called, and I talked on the phone with my friends in California for a bit. My friends that were in the car came to my side shortly after, bringing me my favorite comfort items: teddy bear and ukulele. I was scared and confused at what was to come, but also grateful to be alive. The first night in the hospital was a long one. I was carted in and out of my room for tests. Even though I was on a heavy dose of pain medication, I was reminded with every movement that the biggest/strongest bone in my body was snapped in half. I went into surgery the next day. My parents were boarding a plane as I went under the needle. In the time since, I watched a youtube video of how a rod is placed into a broken femur. It’s gruesome. Definitely glad I was knocked out for that experience. I spent 6 nights in the hospital. My parents were by the side for most of it and a lot of my island friends came to spend time with me. The doctor told me healing time for a broken femur is between 6-12 months. She anticipated I would be 100% strength in 12 months and walking without assistance in 6 months. With this news, I knew I needed to heal in California with the support of my parents. The physical therapist made sure I could get myself out of bed and use the walker/crutches before I left the hospital. As soon as I got those movements down, I left with my parents to a condo in Kona. We spent a few more nights in Kona before loading onto a plane back to California. 'First things first, why did I bring so much stuff!?
Granted, I am moving here, but as soon as I grabbed my luggage off the baggage terminal I shook my head with disappointment in myself. Seriously Ash? You understand and praise the simplicity of living with less. It is what it is. At least I am here. I am safe. I am strong enough to carry my baggage to where ever this island may take me! Maybe.. I arrived at the Kona Airport on Nov 30. I arranged my schedule to allow for 10 days of exploring and settling in before I start work on Dec 10. After fumbling around with my oversized baggage, I found my way to a shuttle and arranged a ride to my hostel, Koa Wood Hale. My outfit, kept my warm out of chilly Oakand, but now needed to be shed away asa layer of sweat was starting to build on my forehead, now a familiar, unavoidable, and well welcomed feeling. A jubilant Hawaiin fellow greeted me and quickly welcomed me with the Hawaii spirit and experience. He pointed out the lava rocks, spoke about the go with the flow and family oriented nature of the island, and reminisced of times before big condos and hotels took over the seashore, and encouragement to be honest and joyful during my time on the island. As we drove up to my hostel, we warned me of the area. Just down the street was a recovery housing complex. I shook away any uneasiness with the gratitude that a safe place exists for those struggling with addiction. I checked into my room, a relaxed bunk with access to a community room. With my luggage safely put away, I was ready to see Kona! I walked along the seashore for hours. At times I'd be walking alongside shops and hotels and then a pathway to the sea would open up and allow me access to tidepools, lava rock, and crashing waves. Eventually, the sun began to set and the sky was glowing with purple hues. I retreated back to my hostel for rest. The following day, I awoke naturally with the sun. I slipped on my bathing suit and made my way to the beach. As I made my way to the water, I noticed a sign indicating that the beach I was about to go for a swim in was the beach for the Ironman! Other swimmers and snorklers were already in the water, enjoying the early morning. I put on my cap and goggles and jumped in! How I love not having to put on a wetsuit. A few strokes in and BOOM I am surrounded by a school of fish and a coral reef. A rush of energy surged through me. I couldn't begin to count the variety of fish I saw. I swam far out until the beach was barely in view. This I could get used to. Later in the day, I made my way back to the beach to lay around. I played the tourist or local game, wondering when I may or if I'd ever blend in with the locals. I found a sweet café to kick back and enjoy some food. I had a bus to catch at 4 and heavy bags to carry to the bus stop so eventually my day along the seaside came to an end. I am thankful for friendships with a foundation of curiosity, silliness, and love. I am thankful for my body, capable and strong-propelling me up mountains! For my mind, lover of new ideas and history. For my spirit, providing me with empathy and insight to the world around and within me.
My visit to Lassen Volcanic NP was delightful and awe-inspiring. I traveled with one of my favorite people in this planet, Ally, with the intention to explore and learn about the park we had heard so much about. We left South Lake Tahoe, CA on Friday, full of anticipation and excitement for the snow filled adventure ahead. We stopped at Patagonia Outlet, in Reno, NV along the way. Neither of us were in need of new gear or clothing, but it was a nice break from driving. I did purchase some food from Patagonia Provisions. I have a been following the products and activism demonstrated by Patogona Provisions for awhile, so I figured it was about time to try the products. I purchased the tsampa soup, lightly smoked lemon pepper salmon, and inca berry bar. We also grabbed the free environmental review magazine to read up on the companies success in the past year and learn about their future endeavors. As I read the magazine outloud in the car, I was often hushed by the scenery out the car window. We passed through towns of all sizes, the mountains as their backdrop, and the colors of fall singing farewell! It was simply beautiful. We arrived to the Southwest campground around 4pm. We checked out the Kohm Yah-mah-nee visitor center. We were like kids in the candy store. Look at this map! Press this button and learn the landscape of the park! Watch this film about the park's history! We soaked up as much as we could about the park, and throughout the trip quizzed one another. What does Kohm Yah-mah-nee translate to English? Snow Mountain What are the four types of volcanoes found in the park? Shield, Cinder Cone, Plug Dome, Composite What type of volcanoe is Lassen? Plug Dome! The list goes on... Knowing the history of the park and the surroundings made the rest of the trip engaging. We understood and appreciated the scenery even more! After leaving the visitor center, we set up the tent at the Southwest Campground, $10/night fee. We watched the skys change colors and the air chill with the setting sun. We made stovetop pizza(See essetials+ blog for details on how to make that happen on your next trip) and bundled up in our layers. We closed the night with light reading in the tent, more park history and facts, and decided on the next day's itinerary.
Eventually we were hungry, and the perfect lakeside lunchspot was waiting for us. We packed Trader Joe's Sprouted Bagels, Pesto, Goat Cream Cheese, Tomato, Cucumbers, Red Onion, and Patogonia Provisions Salmon. We sat at the base of Helen Lake, Lassen Peak shining in the distance. Perfection. Post lunch, we hiked to Bumpess Hell. We finally got to put on our snow shoes and be amidst the trees. Bumpess Hell is hard to miss because a dense steam hovers over the land and the sound of the boiling and spewing mudpots ring in your ear. The terrain was stained with yellows, oranges, and greens unseen elsewhere in the park because of the active mineral deposits flowing in the surroundings pools. There is a bridge to encounter close looks at the fumarole and boiling mudpots, but a safe distance to keep you from burning the acidic and possibly 300 degree steam! After we made our way around Bumpess Hell we decided to call it a day and hiked down the road back to our campsite. With a little daylight still among us, I set up my hammock and we sipped on sangria, snacked on trail mix, and chatted about the life we live and will continue to work towards. As the chill of the evening started creeping in, we decided to make our warm dinner, meatball subs. Warm, full, and happy we retreated to the tent to rest up for Sunday. Sunday's itinerary included snow shoeing to Mill Creek Falls and Forest Lake via the Brokeoff Mountain trailhead. The hike to Mill Creek Falls was my personal favorite. While it was a short hike, 1.8 miles to the falls, the gloomy sky made the colors of the mountain side and forest come alive. Oh! and the smells of the trees, Pine, Fir, and Cedar were the perfect morning refreshment. As soon as the falls came into sight, my jaw dropped. Jade, burnt reds, vibrant greens painted across the rock face to create a magnificent sight! We scrambled down the trail to access a more personal trail to the falls and admired the scenic overlook and the water up close. After Mill Creek we enjoyed a delicious lunch made up of pita bread, spicy hummus, dolmas, and eggplants in tomato sauce. On the side we heated up some water and brought out my cured mate gourd to enjoy some Yerba Mate. With our bellies full and a little caffeine boost, we packed all our gear into the car and drived 1/2 mile outside the park entrance to access the Brokeoff Mountain trailhead. We snapped on our snowshoes and made the ascent! As we were nearing forest lake, we decided to continue towards the summit of Brokeoff Mountain, "Have you ever regretted being on top of a mountain before?" the answer was no, so we continued past our original stopping point. We climbed and climbed, only stopping for a few pictures and water. Eventually, we hit a fork in the trail. There were snow shoes heading in opposite directions, no clear indicator which one to take. Of course, we ended up following the wrong tracks. We were loosing day light. We decided to turn around and head back to the cars rather then make it to the summit. There was so much beauty and enjoyment in the day so it was not a disappointment. We piled back into the car and made our way to the North side of Lassen NP. We were told by the rangers that no camping was permitted during winter at the Manzanita lake campground, but disperse camping was allowed 1/2 mile from the road in the National forest (not park) land. It took us over an hour and a half to drive to the other side of the park since the main road is closed. Ally bought a book called, Dirt Work by Christine Byl, at the visitor center so I read aloud as we drove. Yet again, I was often hushed by the surrounding landscape. We found a place to park and camp just as the sun was setting. Ally has always wanted to try sleeping in her car so we arranged our gear to allow for us to sleep in the back of her suburu. After we were settled in, we broke out our sangria and snacks and took turns reading Dirt Work. A wonderful ending to our day! Monday was our last day in the park. Our itinerary included hiking around Manzanita lake and attempting some cross country skiing along the closed road. I would highly recommend the hike around Manzanita lake to any visitors of the park. The trail was easy to follow, so your energy can be used to admire the woods, the wildlife, and the surrounding peaks.
After walking around the lake, we prepped our skis and hit the road! Literally, we walked up the road until there was a stretch where it was not plowed nor had the sun melt it. With some instruction from Ally, I started to get the stride down. We were moving uphill, which did not help in improving my technique. It was a little goofy feeling, but also very fun to be trying something new! We skied along for about 30 minutes until the road started to be more exposed. After some flopping around in our skies on the side of the road, we turned back, ready to face the downhill! Ally's face got really up close in personal during the downhill ski after a fall, but she laughed it off and continued with grace! Eventually, the road cleared up again and we carried our skies back to the car. We said our goodbyes and thanks to the park for all it was. Onward to Tahoe, until next time. I am suspended a few feet of the ground, a slight swing in my hammock, surrounded by impeccable views. My pack is a few feet away. It contains the essentials + a few items that elevate the weekend to new heights. This weekend, I experimented with an idea that has been brewing in my mind for a while. It is a simple idea if rightly executed could cause exponential enjoyment. With the essentials accounted for, it was time to put the experiment to test. It was time to make backcountry pizza. Months prior, I made a stovetop pizza in the front country. It was simple and delicious. I asked myself, "How can I make this happen in the back country?" The answer was simple: Buy the right ingredients, bring the right gear, enjoy with good company. As the date approached to set out to Pear Lake for my final trip as a Trip Leader for Poly Escapes, I thought to myself, "This is it! This is the backcountry PIZZA trip!" After a beautiful six mile hike, we set up camp at Pear Lake. As soon as we arrived, half of the group jumped into the chilly waters. If anything could make backcountry pizza taste better it is enjoying the pizza after a chilling dip in an alpine lake. Before the pizza party began, I had to find the perfect hammock spot. Check! Campsite number 1 has the perfect trees + impeccable views! Now we can pizza party. First, assemble the ingredients.
With the pizza party prep completed, the experiment could begin. Shape the dough into a large disc, the size of the frying pan. Cover the frying pan with oil and place over the flame. Place the dough on the pan. Cover with a lid. Let sizzle. The dough is like a giant pancake. You wait until the dough is golden.. Then flip! Cue patience once more.. As soon as both sides are golden.. Flip again! With good backcountry food packing etiquette, you unpack your double bagged pizza sauce from your ziplock baggies. Pour the pizza sauce over the golden dough and spread the sauce with your spatula. String your string cheese and place atop the pizza, sprinkle some cheese blend, and arrange your salami delicately on top. You are a pizza artist! Cover with a lid.. Cue patience. Lucky for you, you are in the backcountry! Look around, smell the fresh air! Look at your perfect hammock home! Look at the glassy lake below, the change of colors in the sky, the granite faces! Looklooklook, the cheese on your pizza is melting! It's working! Cue backcountry pizza party! The final piece of the pizza party can ensue. Invite your good company to surround you. Cut the pieces and share goodness with one another. Food is essential. Pizza is essential+It's odd to become accustomed to expecting the unexpected.
The Rough Fire has caused ongoing damage in the Sierras since July 31st. There has been multiple road and back country closures since the incident, including the Roads End trailhead in Kings Canyon NP. This became increasingly relevant to me because my last scheduled Poly Escape trip was planned for a backpacking trip hiking the trail known as, "Paradise Valley." Paradise Valley is accessed by the Roads End Trailhead. We changed plans. Then the plans changed again. Then once more. Until finally we decided on Pear Lake in Sequoia NP. There was a minor warning about smoke in the area, but we decided the trail would be a great beginner backpacking trip for participants signing up for an adventure to the Sierras. I have traveled to Pear lake many of times before, but this would be the first time without snow. In the winter time, the land is blanketed with snow. The lakes are frozen over. The air is a little more thin. This time, we knew to expect clear trails, amazing weather, and a six mi hike with 3,000 ft elevation gain. My personal excitement revolved around the opportunity to finally experience the "Watchtower" trail. During the winter months, the Watchtower trail is closed and visitors must take the "Hump" trail instead. Upon arrival to Sequioa NP we stopped at Foothill Visitor Center to self-register for our backpacking permit. We continued down the road until we reached our night's destination, a walk-in campground at Potwisha Campground. It was the rowdiest campground I have ever been to! The noise did not settle until 3 am. Upon awakening, I reached for the instant coffee and a packet of hot cocoa. It was a mountain mocha morning. In 45 minutes of mountain driving, we gained more than 5,000 ft in elevation. We reached our trailhead, Wolverton, distributed group gear amongst the ten of us, talked about LNT principles, hot spots and blisters, and hydration then hit the trail. It was a steady climb. We entertained one another with riddles and discussing the popular topic of the group: movies&music. The first three miles of the trail were in a dense giant tree forest. You have to lift your neck back, squint your eyes, and slow your step in order to see the tops of the trees in the towering Sequoia forest. Nearing mile 3, we reached the Watchtower. It was a dramatic change in scenery. We stood at edge of the cliff with panoramic views of the intricate layers of the granite mountain faces. We took an extended break to enjoy the Watchtower views. A series of unexpected events brought us all to this point. We had an ongoing joke over the weekend, "xyz..exceeded expectations." To go beyond what you expected is to experience the unexpected. Time and time again, my expectations are exceeded. Standing 1,800 ft high, there is no question why this granite face was given the name Watchtower . The striking overlook set the stage for the remainder of the trip. At the start of my second year at Cal Poly, I decided to make the commitment to join Poly Escapes.
I spent my freshman year experiencing a variety of organizations: real food collaborative, Chi Omega, nutrition club, club water polo, Cal Poly Chocolates Enterprise. Every organization was special in its own way, but, after spending the summer after my freshman year working at Camp Jack Hazard, I was reminded how much I loved working in the wilderness. Two of my roommates and I decided we would all sign up for the Poly Escape's training program. One of the first requirements to become a leader is to go on two trips as a participant. My friend and I signed up for the High Sierra Lightweight trip. The goal for this trip is to pack a base weight of 12 pounds and hike 17 miles to lake Hamilton on Saturday and hike 17 miles back out on Sunday. At this point of time, the most miles I had ever backpacked was about 4 miles in and 4 miles back out. Needless to say, as the trip date approached I was becoming increasingly nervous. To make matters more worrisome, my friend could no longer attend. There I was, a beginner backpacker, a unsettled second year, trying to prove myself worthy of being a trip leader but really feeling utterly nervous about how I was being perceived. I decided, Nope! Not going to happen. I started to make excuse after excuse, I made commitments for that weekend so I could get out of the trip. I relaxed a bit with the decision made. I told myself it was better to experience an easier backpacking trip with poly escapes And then my phone rang. "Hello?" "Hi Ashley. This is Nancy." Oh no.. I had not met the infamous Nancy yet but I knew she was not someone you want on your bad side if you were planning on being a trip leader. She was the outdoor recreation coordinator. She is a badass. She is the boss. I can happily say that I now have a great relationship with Nancy, but at the time I was the insignificant second year-wanna be trip leader-that cancelled participation for a trip that needed participants in order for it to go out. "Hi Nancy. What can I do for you?" "Well Ashley, I see that you have put in a cancellation request for the High Sierra Lightweight trip. This does not look very good if you want to progress in the co leader program" "Yea Nancy.. I made other commitments for that weekend though" "Can you tell them you cannot attend" "Well yea I can do that" "Okay think about that and let me know if you change your mind. Remember you made a commitment to this trip first and as a co-leader you need two trips before you can become a trip leader" "Alright I will go" just stop torturing me!!! So I went. And you know what? It still remains one of my favorite Poly Escape trips. The trail traces along the mountain ridge and cascading granite leaves your speechless. The physical demand of the trip was difficult, but I did it! To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one huffing and puffing and fixing blisters. We all preserved through it as a group. We got the unique experience to hike half of the trail on Sunday solo. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or need a pick me up, I close my eyes and I picture the first few steps of the solo hike with the morning sun rays beaming on my skin, I taste the mountain air and see the colossal granite walls surrounding me. It was the perfect first Poly Escape trip for me. I am feeling extra reminiscent of the trail because in just a few weeks I am signed up to lead a group of participants on what may be their first lightweight backpacking. It's amazing to come full circle. To return to a place and expect it be the same is to assume you have not grown, learned or changed. It would be assuming the world around you is not a dynamic, incredible moving entity that does not abide by your expectations. I stood at the shore overlooking the glassy lake. In the distance I saw the shadowy figures atop the stand up paddle boards. Just moments ago I was teaching them the techniques and now they were exploring the far off edges of the lake.
A participant approached me and asked, "Have you been here before?" "Yea, it's one of my favorite trips." "Do you ever get bored of coming to the same places?" "Never!" I began to think.. Is there really such thing as the same place? It is the same longitude and latitude, yes but every time I return to a place I have been before, something unique is discovered. To return to a place and expect it be the same is to assume you have not grown, learned or changed. It would be assuming the world around you is not a dynamic, incredible moving entity that does not abide by your expectations. So even upon returning, I am always grateful to observe the landscape with a new perspective and with new people. To see the landscape change with the season and with time. On this trip, we soaked up the sun, enjoyed the lakeside breeze, played with the forces of the water and the boards, grounded our feet into the sand as we performed a group yoga session, and smiled big, knowing the experience of the weekend to be infinitely unique. |
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January 2017
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