Man and woman alike are collectors of masks.
We grow up experimenting with expressions and beliefs. We collect meaning through the memories and begin to associate our behavior with the outcomes. We learn to use the masks as protection. We find identity and belonging through our experimentation with masks. Man and woman alike are collectors of masks. And then one day, we look at the collection of masks. Some used more than others. Some forgotten like old toys in a dusty closet corner. Some that haunt you, taunt you, shock you. Man and woman alike are collectors of masks. A man may choose to be in control of his collection. A man may choose to let his collection control him. A woman may choose to be in control of her collection. A woman may choose to let her collection control her. Man and woman alike are collectors of masks. How long must one collect until he is content with what he has? How long must one experiment until she understands who she is? How many masks did you wear today? How many masks have led you astray? Man and woman alike are collectors of masks.
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Upon arrival to Esalen, I was greeted by a group of smiling faces on the lawn. One of the smiles was familiar. A friend from college had just completed her month long work scholar program at Esalen. My month was just beginning as hers was coming to a close. She looked at me and said, "get ready for a life changing experience."
Before arriving, I read the Integral Leadership Program workbook. The topics of focus included emotional intelligence, compassion, self-expression, ecological awareness, conflict resolution and cross cultural communication. I was looking forward to see how these topics would show up for me as I went through my month as a work scholar at Esalen. Compassion, as defined by the ILP guide, is to relate deeply to the experience of self and others with curiosity and kindness. This beautiful definition of compassion echoed in my mind through out the whole month. I spent 32 hours every week working in the kitchen. During every shift there would be a pause in the work day to do a check in. We would remove our aprons, grabs some tea, and sit outside as a group. We spent 15-20 minutes just checking in with one another. It was a wonderful practice for me to learn how to hold space for others and accept space for myself. I would evaluate how I was feeling and acting without judgment so that I could share my experience with others. In return, my co-workers would offer me their experiences and I would receive them with compassion. A unique concept I spent time reflecting on was the contrast between self-esteem and self-compassion. The workshop I was attending for the month of August was called "Speak to Inspire." Public speaking comes to a challenge for may people. This program brought to the surface a lot of insecurities for many work scholars, including myself. With every challenge the workshop provided, I made sure to treat myself with compassion rather then dwell on the idea of having low self-esteem. It was really rewarding to feel more compassionate towards myself. It elevated my performance and helped me be more accepting of some of the underlying insecurities I was experiencing. Self-expression, as defined by the ILP guide, is to express oneself authentically and mindfully through verbal and nonverbal communication. When faced with the question prior to my month at Esalen, "how would you describe your relationship with your creative process?" I would say the relationship was one-sided. The creative juice would bubble up in me and I would suppress it. Esalen allowed me the time to explore what it feels like to let the bubbles go! I danced, I sang, I wrote. I enjoyed sharing my expression with others. With every exchange, a deeper appreciation for one another's uniqueness was formed. Without the constraint of language, friendships bloomed and a raw authenticity unleashed amongst the group. I have taken many valuable lessons from my time at Esalen. An infinitely curious mind, a playful spirit, and an unchained being has been released back into the world outside Esalen. My sister is getting married and the date is fast approaching! In just two weeks she will be one with Caleb Wait. In celebration, the bridal party set out to make a beautiful bachelorette dinner party. My sister, Kristin, loves all things planning and decorative so she was hands on through out the event. I travelled up from San Luis Obispo on Friday to arrive in the afternoon. My sister and I set out to by all the fresh ingredients for the big meal we were setting out to make for the group of girls invited to celebrate. I was so pleased with how the evening turned out. The meal was exactly how I had imagined and it brought me so much joy to spend the afternoon with my sister preparing it all! The lighting was not ideal for pictures put perfect for the atmosphere we set. The candles glimmered and the record player cooed romantic songs as we all ate and drank in celebration of Kristin's last days as a single lady.
THE MENU Drinks Flavored water assortment (cucumber&lemon, grapefruit& strawberry, blackberry&sage) Sangria Sparkling rose and elderberry lemonade Wine Appetizers Hanford soft cheddar cheese Olive assortment Proccuito wrapped avocado Crackers Belgio cheese Main Course Baked Gnocchi with Smoked Mozerrella and Homemade Tomato Sauce Italian Marinated Chicken Skewers Asiago Herb Bread Rainbow Salad; rainbow chard, spinach, pomegranate, beets, ribboned carrots with lemon olive oil Quartered Artichoke with garlic herb aioli Dessert Chocolate and Coconut Oat Cookie Sandwiches with Homemade Chai Ice Cream Filling (dairy free option made with coconut milk) Mornings are my favorite. The sky is glowing and everything seems to dance as it is filled with the day's first light. The past few month I had a morning routine which involved a cup of tea, a book, and my front porch. The slow and quite start of my morning allowed me to be level headed for the rest of the day. Now as the winter months bring a chill in the morning, I am reconsidering how I would like to spend my time. Orginally I was going to try a morning run, but was discouraged by the rush of for time it would create before I started my school day. I just read an article that discussed the importance of loving your excercise rather then feeling forced into it. (http://psychologyofeating.com/happy-exercise-vs-stressed-exercise-theres-a-big-metabolic-difference/) As soon as I saw the morning sky I was reminded how beautiful San Luis Obispo is with the rolling hills and the touch of sun in the morning, and any thoughts of going back into my bed dissipated. Now I sit drinking my peppermint green tea, setting my intentions for this day. I may greet another morning with a jog, but today I am grateful for my peaceful and cozy start. Cheers to the year that brought me the best days of exploration, wandering out of my comfort zone to find depth within myself that I never new existed. This was the year of pushing myself and being pushed beyond my limits. My awareness of the dynamic forces that work to elevate our expiences was expanded as I made my way through trials and celebration. I am thankful for the support I have received in my friendships. I have worked on more projects and met more people this year compared to any other. Whether I was taking a new group out into the wild, fighting alongside other students in order to ignite change in our schools food system, networking in the county to develop supportive wellness goals for employees, traveling and laughing alongside fourteen unique individuals in Peru, or inviting over guests to The Summit to share stories and laughter, I found myself more social and more connected with my surroundings then ever before. I still faced stumbling blocks and insecurities throughout the year but with each fall my heart has grown and my willpower to live life to the fullest increased. 2015 will be a year of transitions. My goal is to love fully with each transition. Thank you 2014 for all the little things.
Inspiration and motivation fall into my life at the most unexpected times while imperfection and doubt exist in more prevelance than I like to admit. My attitude towards my courses lately have driven me into a rut. In my food service management class, I was learning about how to empower future employers yet the structure of my classes did not fuel me with inspiration and self worth. Nothing was practical nor was it intellectually stimulating. I began questioning, "what am I seriously going to take from these classes and how can I continue without feeling like I am drowning in dullness. In the midst of my dissatisfaction, I picked up a book. I have always been a bookworm but something about being force fed academic articles and being on a strict timeline for reading literature stopped me from pleasure reading. In my haze, my eyes fell onto the shelf in my room that had a growing pile of books that I wanted to read, one of which was a bright orange book called "Cold Tangerines." My sister let me borrow this book. I grew up reading her hand-me-down books and always enjoyed them, so I decided it was about time I just let myself indulge. From the start, the book uplifted me from my haze and I was able to connect with the author on so many levels. It is a story that acknowledges the struggles and imperfections in our day to day lives, but it doesn't stop there. It reflects on the growth and development of relationships. As I make my way through the chapters of the book, I am reminded that it is okay that today seems like I am stuck in a rut because we live in a dynamic world that will push and pull us in many different directions. Right now I may feel dazed and uncertain but what I learn and feel in these moments will transform my experience tomorrow. So I greet these dazed days with a hello and a breathe of relief, for I know every moment is passing and amidst the dullness is a foundation of beauty and celebration. Being grateful for the lifestyle we enjoy does not mean we have to be complacent with the undeniable crimes of social and environmental misconduct that are committed in order for us to consume and live leisurely. I am thankful for the way of life that is possible due to advanced technology, freedom, and hard work but that does not excuse me from my responsibility to reflect on the systems inequalities and work towards a world that is more just. I don't think it is natural instinct in all of us to be good to one another. I think some people are indifferent to how their choices maybe affect another, I think some are unaware of how their choices affect another and I think their are people who are passionate about correcting their actions to in order to promote a better quality of life for others. We all fall somewhere along the spectrum and unfortunately many leaders in industry and politics are making decisions that fall towards indifference. I challenge you to let the inequalities stir you and complicate your approach towards the culture of consumerism because if you sit on the sidelines only allowing yourself to be be grateful for what makes up your lifestyle, you are letting ignorance win and the hope for humanity loose. We have a voice in what is the acceptable way we treat one another and the land--and that is what I am most grateful for.
I get to fall in love over and over and over again. Every time I give or receive a quality massage, I fall in love with the transformative art of body work. Their is a wide assortment of modalities that allow for creativity and healing. I am constantly being reminded how fragile yet resilient the human body is. As a practitioner I am humbled by how subtle touches can have such dramatic effect on the body and spirit. Time and time again I here people call massage, "the universal language." The body never lies and it speaks beyond what a human is a capable of speaking or thinking. Studying both massage therapy and nutrition has made me appreciate the interconnectedness of our body.
One of my favorite experiences thus far in regards to massaging was when I was in Peru this summer. I was on the Salakantay trek and after a long day of hiking, we arrived at our base camp that sat in a valley underneath epic glaciers. I took some time before sunset to give massages and teach the group some quality stretches. The combination of the long trek, the majestic backcountry, and the body work made for an elevated experience. Below is a snapshot of me massaging my lovely friend Annie. The post recently was shared on facebook and she commented on the photo, "I am forever indebted to you, Ash. this was the best moment of my entire life" but the truth is she owes nothing because this moment was just as special to me because massage is not only about the receiver, it can be transformative for the giver as well. If I can one day work in a field that allows me to do my bodywork + be in the wilderness + encourage others, I would be one happy lady. Click to set custom Cuzco, Peru from Zack Slouka on Vimeo. This short film was made by my good friend Zack. He was my wonderful leader in Peru with Operation Groundswell. This film reflects his eye for detail and his extraordinary heart. I hope you enjoy this glimpse of Peruvian culture. Let your mind wander and reflect.
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October 2015
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